Dave Portnoy just proved once again that crypto Twitter is better than a casino, and everyone's still trying to figure out what just happened.

The Barstool Sports founder just sent a token called "Jailstool" to the moon in record time – we're talking a casual 119,000% pump in five hours.

The Pre-Game Show

Before Jailstool stole the show, Portnoy was warming up with some practice pumps.

First, he played around with "Montoya por favor" (quite the name choice, Dave), watching it rocket to $14M before crashing to $1M like a rookie leverage trader.

Not satisfied with that roller coaster, he then took a swing at "Josh Allen MVP coin," pushing it to $12M before it nosedived to $58k. 

But these were just the opening acts to the inevitable main show.

Enter Jailstool

The real party started when Portnoy announced he'd grabbed 50 million Jailstool tokens. 

The man then turned his late-night X Space into the hottest crypto club in town, with his 3.5 million followers hanging on every word as he opined about the future of his new favorite meme coin.

The craziness hit new heights when a whale dropped $7-8M into Jailstool while Portnoy was busy choosing between pumping meme coins and attending actual parties. 

Spoiler alert: the meme coins won.

After the whale kicked things off, Jailstool pumped 2.6 MILLION percent in 24 hours. 

That's not a typo – and it’s likely a new record for 2025.

Portnoy Goes Full Degen

When people started crying about "pump and dump," Portnoy shrugged it off, saying something along the lines of, "I turned 10 grand into 75 grand... Can I not do this?" 

Then he dropped the most refreshingly honest takes we’ve heard in crypto in a while: "I may dump it eventually, but I'll let all you righteous losers dump on each other first."

At least he's honest about it… take notes, Hawk Tuah girl. 

The Copium Hangover

By Sunday morning, after four straight hours of Jailstool talk (longer than most meme coins exist), Portnoy started setting targets like he was running a hedge fund. 

"500 million market cap or bust," he said while telling followers they're "still early."

While it may not have started like a classic pump and dump, lines like that would certainly have the SEC interested, to say the least. 

Either way, for now, it looks like Jailstool won’t live up to its name for Dave… which is good news for pizza places everywhere, given his reputation as the world’s most influential pizza reviewer. 

What Stool Do You Take Now?

When the CFTC and SEC are writing warnings about your type of trading, you're either doing something right or wrong – and in this market, sometimes it's both at the same time.

Just another weekend in Web3, where the world’s most influential pizza reviewer can take a break from chomping pies to casually pump a meme coin. 

Just keep in mind that when someone tells you their meme coin is going to 500M market cap at 4 AM, regardless of who it is, you should probably keep on hand on the sell button.